31 Hilarious Quotes for Father's Day Cards

 Let’s face it, dads are famous for their unique brand of humor. Whether it’s a groan-worthy pun, a classic one-liner, or a completely unnecessary fact about lawn care, dad jokes are a love language all their own. And what better way to honor your favorite father figure than with a Father’s Day card with a funny dad quote inside that makes him laugh, roll his eyes, or proudly say, “That’s a good one”?

In this post, we’ve rounded up the funniest dad day quotes, puns, and dad-approved zingers to help you craft the perfect card. Whether you’re going for a little chuckle or full-on comedy we have 31 funny dad day quotes that will make dad LOL. So grab a pen, embrace the corniness, and get ready to make Dad laugh on his special day.

Funny Father's Day Quotes:

1. "A father carries pictures where his money used to be" - Steve Martin
2. "Dad, you’re someone I always look up to no matter how tall I’ve grown."
3. "Dad, you're one of my favorite parents."
4. "You're the best dad I could have asked for… without actually asking."
5. "Thanks for being slightly less embarrassing than other dads. Slightly."
6. "Happy Father’s Day! I hope your day is as relaxing as your parenting style."
7. "Raising me took a lot of patience. Thank you for not trading me for a motorcycle."
8. "Behind every great kid is an even greater dad rolling his eyes and reaching for the remote."
9. "You taught me so many important things... like how to change a tire and how to blame mom when things go wrong."
10. "Dad, you may not have a cape, but you’re definitely a superhero in dad jeans."
11. "Thanks for pretending to know how to fix things when we both knew it was going to end in duct tape."
12. "You’re not just a father, you’re a Farter of the Year!"
13. "Thanks for always being there… even when ‘there’ was just the recliner."
14. "Happy Father’s Day! If I had a dollar for every time you said, 'Ask your mother,' I’d be rich."
15. "You're the only dad I know who can grill, nap, and lecture, all at the same time."
16. "You always said I’d understand when I was older. Well, I’m older... and I still don’t get it."
17. “Remember: What Dad really wants is a nap. Really.” - Dave Barry
18. “Never underestimate kids’ tenacity. Raising a child is like wrestling a small but relentless opponent.” - Stephen Colbert
19. “My daughter got me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.” - Bob Odenkirk
20. “The best fathers have the softest, sweetest hearts. In other words, great dads are real marshmallows. - Richelle E. Goodrich, “Slaying Dragons”
21. “My 4-year-old son gave me a handmade card for Father’s Day. Maybe for Christmas I’ll draw him a picture of some toys.” - Jim Gaffigan
22. “Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.” - Martin Mull
23. “The worst part about being a parent is when one of your kids farts and you have to pretend it wasn’t cool.” - Rob Delaney
24. “Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” - Jon Stewart
25. “I learn things from my kids constantly. Most of their knowledge comes from Snapple caps.” - Jimmy Kimmel
26. “The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children.” - Clarence Darrow
27. “There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.’” - Jim Gaffigan
28. "The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get." - Tim Russert
29. "Behind every great kid is a dad who's pretty sure they're just average."
30. "My dad and Google have one thing in common: they think they know everything."
31. "The best sleep plan according to dad is the couch - blankets optional, TV mandatory."

Remember to choose a dad day quote that reminds you of your dad that will make him chuckle. Use these quotes as inspiration or combine them with your own memorable message to make your Father's Day greeting card extra special.

You can shop Grey Street Paper's full collection of greeting cards for dad here.

Check out our custom Happy Father's Day Photo Greeting Cards on Postable here.